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What do you think of the book im writing?

This is the beginning, Enjoy! [REMEMBER IM ONLY 14]

“Please, Please, PUHLEASE…” My 9 year old sister, Laurie asked me. It was my first time home alone, and to babysit someone. I mean, I think I’m old enough to take responsibility, I’m turning 15 in a few days. My parents were both on this “Tropical Island Vacation.” Yeah, we pretty much always get the shit in life, we were stuck in the cold, wood surrounding little house in North Dakota, To be exact Stratsburg, North Dakota. The most boring town in the US, population: 449. Nothing ever happens here, once in a while a 5 year old kid accidentally forgets to pay for his donut or an old lady gets hit by a pickup truck and survives. Yeah, nothing goes on here.

I looked at my toes for a while dangling them off the couch. My sister suddenly pulls my leg off the couch which nearly sends my chin flying right into the glass coffee table.
“UGH! Why don’t you go play with dolls or something!” I screamed. Laurie looked at me for about 5 seconds then ran to her room with tears shooting out off her green eyes. Her green eyes always reminded me of the woods in the backyard, always green and beautiful. Come to think of it, Laurie LOVES the woods she could run off any day and camp in there.

I dozed to sleep, In fact, a very deep sleep, like the time Aunt Suez slept in my room when I was 6 (I thought she protected me from the monsters hiding under my bed.)
I think I slept for about 45 maybe 50 minutes. I thought about what happened with Laurie and I felt bad. I got lazy self up from the couch and walked over to her door, It was cracked open. I didn’t feel like walking in so I just stood by the door and said “I’m sorry Laurie, I didn’t mean to react that way, I was trying to protect myself because Mom and Dad aren’t here to protect us. Do you want to play a board game?” We couldn’t do anything because of the extremely cold weather, which knocked the power out. Hmm… I thought. No response. I quickly opened the door. I had a sudden adrenaline rush. She wasn’t there. “Laurie, DO NOT play games with me! Tell me where the hell you are!” I checked all of the rooms, Mom & Dads, the office, playroom, living room, my room, double checked her room, attic, basement, patio, porch and pantry. No sight.

What was I supposed to do? Mom & Dad aren’t here, they don’t have a phone. We don’t live in a neighborhood, we live in an isolated shit hole on woodland, Which was about 19 miles away from civilization (TOWN, the place where stuff never happens). I screamed her name twenty three times when I finally gave up. I broke down crying on the front porch not realizing it was in the teen’s today, I thought my tears would freeze up.

I had nothing else to do. My last resort would be to go into town. And this is the last thing I didn’t check. Signs? SIGNS! My brain was functioning right today! I was going to put up posters around town! I grabbed multiple pictures of Laurie, pieces of paper, pens, & pencils. I wrote;
9 year old girl M I S S I N G
(Picture of Laurie)
Eyes: Green
Body Type: Athletic/Thin
Weight: 78
Hair: Blondish/Brown
PINK NAILPOLISH
Last seen wearing a blue shirt and light blue jeans
GONE MISSING: 4-8-09

I ran to town. At 4 miles , I was down. I couldn’t breathe in this cold weather. I walked a little bit more until I
saw a moped shop. I walked in and explained everything to the owner, He gladly gave me a purple moped. I raced over to town. I finally made it 35 mintues later.
I might have type-o’s. Tell me what I need to work on.
- twilightobsessed

Tags: Board Game, Cold Weather, Green Eyes, Old Lady, Us Population

This entry was posted on Friday, April 10th, 2009 at 11:00 amand is filed under Green Shopping. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

6 Responses to “What do you think of the book im writing?”

Aafia Says:
April 11th, 2009 at 11:07 pm
I think your story has potential. A lot of good things can happen in it. Is it going to be a fiction or a nonfiction story? Here’s some advice: Don’t quit on a book once you’ve started it. I keep quitting after I write like, ten chapters.
sammyboy1 Says:
April 13th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
Your book is horrible and the grammar sucks, although the line about the old lady getting hit by the truck w as funny!
shittalker Says:
April 13th, 2009 at 9:26 pm
its ok try not to rush so much! near the end explain more to us what happend when u looked for her and how u felt
Norbert Says:
April 16th, 2009 at 8:04 am
It’s Good

Mine?
Random Girl Says:
April 16th, 2009 at 6:52 pm
I think that it was pretty good. I think once you polish everything up and finish it up a little more, it’ll be pretty good.

Want to read my story too?
*~@Alice Cullen@~* Says:
April 20th, 2009 at 6:35 am
it has a lot of potential. Once the grammer and everything is fixed, I think it will be good! Answer mine?.;_ylv=3?qid=20090407200227AARuL0w

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What do you think of the book im writing?

6 Responses to “What do you think of the book im writing?”

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